How He loves Us

I remember when Satan tempting Jesus--

"All this I will give you," Satan said, "if you will bow down and worship me."

Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: "Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only." Matthew 4:9-10

Yes I disobeyed our Lord Jesus, and it is really hard. I am a man that always talk to God what ever He has for me, worshiping and praising Him with all my heart and soul. He showed me how he loves us, but I broke everything in just a click.

It is not bad to share something when people ask it. One time my friend asked me
if I can lend him my drum kit. I tried to refuse, but in the long run, my friend won and he took my kit in to their party. I came with him to assist them and when everything were fine I planned to go home to do all my assignments and duties and to take some rest, but my friend's dad told me to stay and asked me if I play with their band (that time their drummer is still in the road). There are a lot of people in the venue, drinking wines, beer, dancing, and singing, and knocking down each other. The party was paused for a while after the celebrant noticed the fight; a drunken man put his gun and told to shoot his opponent. I felt like I am standing on a hill, under it is a hell. Vices are everywhere, evil is around me.

In just a night I wasted everything, I lost everything. Yes I had fun with them, the fame, and every worldly thing came little by little. The fire in me became colder and colder because Satan blinded me. I am so weak.

Later on, I decided to go home and sleep, because I'm totally wasted. When I woke up, I asked myself "Who I am? What I did? This is not me".

My heart cried out loud, my tears are dry and the whole day I was just like nothing. I feel bad for what I'd done. I prayed and asked for the forgiveness of our Lord. On that night, I heard a whisper and telling me to seek. So, on the third day I went to the church to talk to my pastor, even though there are no words had spoken, the smile from them expressed the love and care. I asked myself again "did they knew it?, Lord is this what you want me to see?".

Then I went out, standing near the green grass and one of my friend asked me why I didn't attended the class and the Sunday service, then I said "I turned back, I disobeyed our Lord.." then my friend hit my back though I am still confessing everything and he said "It's okay, you'll be fine. You know now what to do. Don't forget why you live and who you live for". Then he smiled at me.

After that moment, I can feel the love of our Lord. I am renewed. God wants me to know that He already forgave me.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Sometimes we feel so useless and empty because of what we've done. But God is still there to protect us, He will accept us even though we turned back. All we have to do is to surrender ourselves to our Lord, let the Holy Spirit be with us.